The sun tries to shine
But it is too cold to play
Welcome to our open house
On this cold, wintery day
You're sitting with peers
And some faculty too
And we say "How we wish"
You'll be G1's we do!
Too cold to go out
Here's a show just for you
So you sit here politely
Like we ask you to do
So all you can do is
Sit, sit, sit, sit!
And I bet you don't like it
Not one little bit
Bump!
And then
Bump
How that bump makes you jump
So Look!
He couldn't be droller
Go look!
The Kohler in a Bowler!
And he says to us
Forget about this vortex Polar
In SEAS it is sunny
So we can have
Lots of good fun that is funny
I know research we
could do Said Kohler
Some new research
Said Kohler in a Stroller
A lot of good research
I will show it to you
Your teachers
will not mind at all if I do
First, we start with a tree
"Add a trie," said Kohler
Trees and tries are quite good
Said Kohler on a Roller
Why we can have
Good alignment in cache
Using each byte
To avoid any thrash
Pack the keys! Keep them small
Break them up into parts
Pack the keys! Keep them small
Stats will blow off the charts
"We do more," said Kohler
I give you transactions
Without blocking at all
What lovely abstractions
We make you a silo
With performance galore
Hundreds of Thousands of
ops per second and more
Just you wait
We can do more said Kohler
With key values and caches
And a cache patroller
Materialized views!
So dynamic and fresh
We say Pequod cache joins
Are most sure to impress
"That's amazing!" said one and all
But that is not all
Oh no.
That is not all...
Look at me!
Look at me!
Look at me Now!
It is fun to have fun
But you have to know how.
And know how, he sure does
It's Doctor Morrisett
Studies typed languages
With his dear bovine pet
Ask him for type safety
And he might say Y not
Ask him bout the botnets
He might say, "NoBot!"
And his research is hot
But that is not all
Oh no
That is not all
What Greg was about to say
Before he flew away
And landed with a CRASH
Soup should be made of Stone
And seasoned with CHILI
Tis a fact well known
Next comes Good Prof Seltzer
But we call her Fizzy
She too works on systems
When not feeling dizzy
Big graphs are her game
Made of vertex and node
Her group has just showed
Quite efficient code
For finding neighbors
With memory to spare
Trade space for much time
In an LSM flair
Or shard that big graph
Using a junction tree
Implementation
As Speedy as can be
Our goal you shall see
Databases of graphs
Bigger than any
Edges skewed like giraffe's
This isn't just laughs
If it's not hard enough
Just make them all streaming
If you think it's easy
You're really just dreaming
Just add them in layers
And remove them the same
And so said the Dizzy Ms. Fizzy
so so so so
I will show you
Some more good research I know
And now I'll run out
And then fast as a fox
I'll simply return
And come in with a box
A big black steel box
It is shut with a hook
Now look as this trick
Says Dizzy
Take a look
If we peek right inside
Then we'll see lots of cores
But how can we use them
With ease, she underscores
Complex code she abhors
Add cores one by one
adding more speed through
Core ten thousand and one
Make programs fast
Almost magically do
No help from mere mortals
Would be a grand coup!
We'll use some guesses
Based on good statistics
And pick out those spots with
Good characteristics
Speculate the code
And stuff in a cache
And maybe later
We'll get a hit and dash
Then programs run fast
Every time that we hit
We really can do it
Each and every bit!
So now you have seen
Lots of research that's fun
And the only thing left
Is to meet everyone
Enjoy the rest of your day
With students and friends
What you do depends
On what he recommends
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